I'm not that dude

Yo Momma Sucks

2006-04-10T21:56:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not about to start ripping on anyone... besides Wilmer Valderrama, but that’s only because his show sucks.
Apparently, sometime shortly after doing absolutely nothing while his prized Escalade was vandalized by a complete stranger (on Punk'd), Wilmer developed a new and improved Spanish accent and became a thug. And, he has a show called "Yo Momma" to prove it. Through this show, Wilmer would have you believe that "trash talking" is a subculture in the barrio where "battles" are held by the local hoop court or ice cream shop. This is not reality, there's no "trash talking" hierarchy like the show suggests, and the art of "trash talking" lies in mockingly describing the opponents appearance, not telling memorized "your mom" jokes. The phrase "trash talking," was, itself, never actually used, today the practice is known as "giving someone bars." Aside from the fraudulent premise of the show, it just licks balls. I cracked a smile once or twice during the half hour program but, I was just thinking about something funny that happened a few days ago. The worst part about the show, though, is the attempt at cultivating an image. When the final "battle" ends, and the winner is decided, Wilmer casually pulls $1000 dollars from his pocket (in twenties, folded in half with a rubber band) and throws it to the winner, then he pulls a PSP out of another pocket, and something else out of another pocket. When it's a game show directed at a white audience the prizes are prominently displayed, in MTV's Latin gangster world where Wilmer Valderrama is a thug the prizes are casually thrown around as if to suggest, "its nothing..." I suppose anything goes in this world.

People Who Take Everything Literally= My Anti-Drug

2006-04-09T15:47:00.000-04:00

Back in the day when MTV used to run ads about "finding your anti-drug" I used to wonder, "what is My anti-drug?" I've cared about finding an anti-drug at some points in my life more than others, but, for the most part I don't really stress about it. The world of blogging, though, has enlightened me somewhat, and I've found my anti-drug. People who take everything literally are my anti-drug. I like these people. They brighten my day and make me feel better about myself. I just sit back, relax and think, wow I'm real real glad I'm so much better than those people. I've never tried cocaine, but, whenever I come upon people like this I wonder if I'm experiencing a similar high. People who point out spelling mistakes have a similar effect on me. And some wonder why I think so highly of myself...

I Do Not Post on Weekends

2006-04-08T12:37:00.000-04:00

Check back Monday-Friday

A Man is Only as Good as His Deoderant

2006-04-06T22:09:00.000-04:00

Deodorant ads are always on television now. Most brands tend to market to the frat boy stereotype, namely Axe and TAG. These brands, through subliminal messages and triple reverse psychology, would have you believe that you'll start getting mad pussy once you apply their product. This is, of course, the exact opposite of reality. Axe reeks of over-eagerness. TAG stinks of desperation. That is why I'm an Old Spice man. If Axe and TAG are the kids at the party making fools of themselves, Old Spice is the dude just chillin' and taking everything in. To be more specific, I'm a Red Zone (Pure Sport) stick with High Endurance Body Spray (Fresh) kind of guy. Old Spice has worked out well for me, I nearly always manage to be fresher than the next guy; I can't complain about my experiences with Old Spice.

Bush, Irony, and Leaks

2006-04-06T14:38:00.000-04:00

In what may be enough irony to give a hipster an orgasm, Bush defended a dissenter's right to speak today in Charlotte. While taking questions from the audience:

One questioner even suggested the president should have "the honesty and grace to be ashamed" of himself.

When the audience started booing the critic:

"I'm not your favorite guy -- go ahead," Bush interrupted.

This comes on the day that Libby accused Bush of, "authorizing a leak," which according to Brit Hume isn't possible, "because its not a 'leak' if Bush authorized it." Even if Hume's defense is accurate, its reminiscent of a catch 22 for the American people, "if you get screwed over, and Bush is responsible, you're not actually getting screwed over, because Bush can't screw people over." Oh, the irony.

Bill O'Reilly, the Cop-Out Crusader

2006-04-05T22:48:00.000-04:00

Crusading is quickly replacing baseball as the national pastime. People like to associate themselves with a cause, take a stand, and fight. Some people choose more meaningful causes than others; some choose more popular causes than others. Bill O'Reilly found his cause, and gaining support, he found, was even easier than scoring with his subordinates. He chose to seek harsher punishment for pedophiles, the people who want to touch your children. Are there causes that impact more Americans? Certainly, there are countless issues more pressing than O'Reilly's. But, there are few, if any, issues that our society has reached more of a consensus on. Its common knowledge that people act like complete idiots when it comes to their children and, Bill O'Reilly is taking full advantage of this fact, like its a co-worker. So, instead of solving this problem effectively, he's taking superficial measures, like getting judges fired. Congratulations Bill, you're officially a cop-out crusader.

France is Screwed

2006-04-05T16:38:00.000-04:00

I read an article in the New York Times today and it's clear the French students don't play games:

A dozen student and union groups met today — a day after demonstrations brought at least a million people into the streets — and announced that if the government fails to act by their deadline, the day after Easter, they will call for a new "day of action."

Talk about getting too big for your britches; the law passed that sparked this madness is pretty questionable though:

The new law, which would allow employers to fire, without cause, people under age 26 during a trial period, was intended to encourage companies to hire young workers.

Though I might want to do some the of stuff these students are doing, like setting up roadblocks and rioting, I don't think I would. I'm not going to say any names, but certain ethnic groups that make up a large part of the French population tend to get a little over-excited during times of political upheaval.

Getting a Bum Rap

2006-04-05T00:41:00.000-04:00

This is a pretty funny video, I think its old though. Apparently Bill O'Reilly's intimidation tactics aren't nearly as successful when employed on rappers Cam'ron and Dame Dash as they are when children, mothers, and pussies are the target. They give Bill O'Reilly a lot of shit and you can see he's uncomfortable and scared, at one point Cam'ron states, "I got dirt on you doggie, I'mma get at you in a minute." Dame Dash has some legitimately good points, but expectedly most of it is just bullshit. This brings me to my post.
Rappers get a disproportionate number of fingers pointed at them because they are easy targets. For the average white American, sitting on their couch blaming urban crime on that black guy in jewelry with a $250,000 dollar car is easy, and satisfying on some levels too. But, are they really to blame? The one thing Cam'ron says that I agree with is that he is a product of his environment, well he is. He makes his living by describing what he sees; wouldn't it be more logical to change what he, and kids like him, see than to ask him to "be positive," when being positive means to lose his appeal in most cases; "Positive" rappers seem cheesy and out of touch with what really going on.
To be sure, I wouldn't try to justify what a rapper says as good for the community by any means. Though it’s hard to prove, rap could likely have a negative affect. But, I don't see people asking actresses to gain weight, to combat eating disorders. Similarly, I think it is unfair to expect anyone to risk losing money by doing something for a greater good. We do, after all, live in a capitalist society. We don't expect companies that are ruining the environment to do things for the greater good, do we? We don't force politicians to put the people before their campaign fund, do we? We don’t hold doctors accountable, who execute the expensive treatment over the effective one, do we? I didn't think so, so why do we expect so much from rappers?

RIP MLK

2006-04-04T15:46:00.000-04:00

I suppose these days we're too busy with issues like immigration, war, and gays to ponder life's small everyday wonders. One pet theory I have, and that I think is appropriate to share with you in honor of Martin Luther King Jr.'s day of passing, is the Black Version Theory. I'm not exactly sure if population statistics would support this but, I believe every white person has a black version of themselves, and vice versa. It occurred to me to write about this today when I was walking the halls of my school and I came upon the black version of Sam Shreeve, an acquaintance of mine. I knew then and there that today would be the correct time to share my theory with the world. I thought of requesting a picture of the black Sam Shreeve but I concluded it would be weird enough and, possibly grounds for getting socked in the jaw. For those of you who may still be confused about what the black version is, a black or white version of someone has a strikingly similar frontal profile, but darker skin. Max Freedman (pictured above) is who I determined to be the white version of former Pitt Panther basketball star Julius Page (below white guy). Similar facial features may be the only thing the two have in common, but that happens to be all that’s needed to be a black version of someone.
I think the theory takes significant steps toward ending racism. Just think about it, somewhere walking around, there is a black (or white) version of you.

Black-Oriented TV Has More Fast-Food Ads

2006-04-03T18:59:00.000-04:00

This title was taken from an article in Pittsburgh's local paper the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. The article describes a study that reached the startling conclusion that fast food advertisers target black people. But, the article in some ways makes it seem as though it's part of some conspiracy to keep black people unhealthy. I don't think that fried chicken was designed as a biological weapon to spread health problems throughout black population, though it has become one, apparently. But, as much as I have to say about the article I take issue with this statemennt in particular:

Still, Jordan said the ads study doesn't prove that a disproportionate number of commercials for unhealthy foods causes black kids to become overweight, and said more research is needed "to more convincingly directly tie exposure to effects."

Advertisers aren't trying to get black people "hooked" on fast food, they are trying to get people to come to their restaurants. Apparently, the black population spends alot of money on fast food making it effective to target them. Plus, Jordan would have you believe that if fast food was advertised less, Whole Foods and GNCs would start popping up all over the hood. What he needs to realize is this isn't a race issue, its a socioeconomic one, and people with less money apparently buy cheaper food, so don't take it personally.

Oh No They Didn't

2006-04-03T16:25:00.000-04:00

When I read the headline and first paragraph of the New York Times article about Iran's sweet new missle:

Iran said Sunday that it had test-fired what it described as a sonar-evading underwater missile just two days after it announced that it had fired a new missile that could carry multiple warheads and evade radar systems.

the public school student in me was like, "oh no they just didn't." I kept reading:

The new missile is among the world's fastest and can outpace an enemy warship, Gen. Ali Fadavi of the country's elite Revolutionary Guards told state television.

General Fadavi said only one other country, Russia, had a missile that moved underwater as fast as the Iranian one, which he said had a speed of about 225 miles per hour. State television showed what it described as the missile being fired.

After reading this part I was thinking, "does Iran celebrate April fools day too? That Shah is a cut up." But I kept reading:

"The missile carries a very powerful warhead that enables it to operate against groups of warships and big submarines," he said.

He contended that the boats that would launch the missile were able to evade detection systems but that "even if an enemy's warship sonar can detect the missile, no warship can escape from this missile because of its high speed."

It turns out that this wasn't part of some elaborate April fools joke after all. What seems to be taking place is an attempt to fuck with Bush, by the Iranians. They also act like they're making a concession when they admit, "okay, you got us, we aren't that great, Russia has this technology too," but they know when we read it we'll be like, "fuck Russia has this too!"
From a saftey standpoint I'm not too worried. If Iran has this missile, we probably still have 100,000 left over from the Civil War that we decided not to use. But, what this does indicate is that if tension is this high on the surface, then we can only imagine how close to war we may be behind the scenes.

Product Placement Is Ass

2006-04-02T16:24:00.000-04:00

Thanks to TiVo and an impatient population, the practice of placing products visibly throughout television programs and movies has become increasingly popular. Now, I'm not one to go around knocking the hustles of others but this is taking advertising a little too far. As upsetting as 30 second, 45 second, and one minute breaks are, scattered throughout my scheduled programming, forcing a director to alter his art to work in a shot of the Cingular Wireless logo on the phone Lucas is talking on in One Tree Hill is just pretty unexcusable (I don't really watch that show). If Cingular were to ask to put a banner on my site, I'd probably do it for the right price but, if they asked me to start post's off with an, "and so I picked up my Cingular Wireless Razor and called him," I'd tell them to go fuck themselves. And, as sleazy as product placement in television is, product placement in movies makes me wonder if the new Harry Potter book will feature Harry and Ron using their Boost Mobile Phones to chirp warnings of imminent danger, across England, using the coast to coast walkie talkie feature of course. My problem isn't that they're advertising on the special time thats supposed to be between me and them, it's that say, Boost Mobile didn't sponsor the new Harry Potter book, and T-Mobile did; would Harry using the T-Mobile Sidekick to keep in touch with Ron change the nature of the way Voldermort's plans were foiled?

Male Stereotype- Continued

2006-04-01T10:20:00.000-05:00

I was re-reading a few posts and I realized I never presented the essence of my problem with steroypical frat boys. It's not that this all encompasing stereotype has created a group of assholes that annoy the shit out of me (for the most part), its the behavior that they make acceptable. Let's say, through clever manipulation some Hitler type dude works hating Jews into the frat boy lifestyle. I can see the Dominos commercial already:

[three frat boys watching "the game"]
(doorbell sounds, within)
Frat Guy 1: Dude that must be Dominoes!!!
Frat Guy 2: Dude, get the door its Dominoes!!!
(a footrace to the door ensues)
Frat Guy 3: Extra meaty sausage bacon and steak pizza! Man fuel.
(three frat guys devour pizza)
Frat Guy 2: Hey, look a Jew
Frat Guy 1: Jew! Dominoes! Lets get him!
(Frat guys 1&2 run over and start beating the shit out of unarmed Jew)
Frat Guy 3: Wait for me! I lift weights!
[Cut to Dominoes Logo]
Narrator: Get the door, its Dominoes.

A little far fetched, but think about it. The fratboy code doesn't have a particular position on violence towards minorities, and we all know that they'll do anything for acceptance. Ethan once at a sheet of cardstock with a staple in it, because someone asked him to.

Google Hates The Chinese

2006-04-01T01:46:00.000-05:00

Though you might hear objections from the Google public relations office, this is the case. Google hates the Chinese and nothing would give the money hungry corporation more satisfaction that too see the Chinese become victims of a totalitarian dictatorship. Just playing about the second part, but seriously, they are fucking the Chinese people over. Though google representatives will claim that Google with censored search results is better than no Google at all, this is much like the argument that a crack dealer will frequently present claiming that he charges fair prices for his crack, as opposed to the evil dealer on the opposite corner who treats his feinds like dirt. It is, of course, a bullshit argument. If Google really cared about the Chinese it would not negotiate with a bunch of assholes who want to re-write history to say that Chinese soldiers didn't kill several hundred non-violent protestors in Tiananmen Square. It would make a point through its absence. The truth is, that the amount of potential users China provides gives the execs at Google orgasms, and they'd rather serve a bunch of opressed Chinamen than no Chinamen at all. Thinking of the amount of Chinese women Google might serve gives me an orgasm too, to be perfectly honest, but, I have the self control to let it go no further than the fantsy stage. Re-writing history is the first step towards creating a people without dissent. In 1984, by George Orwell, Big Brother's way of controlling people is by limiting knowledge; in the days of slavery slaves weren't allowed to learn how to read or write. Opressors have always known that knowledge is power, and its dissapointing to see a company that I respect (I even have a gmail account) turn to the dark side of the internet.

No Soup For You

2006-03-30T22:02:00.000-05:00

If when previews come on my TV suggesting, in earnest, that I go see Cheaper by the Dozen 2, I'm thinking, "do I look like a fucking idiot to you?" Because, I don't appreciate being mistaken for a fool. Then you can imagine when this type of deceit comes from someone whose salary I happen to be paying, and who (in some cases) needs my approval to go to work, its even more frustrating. So why, does the Senate (yes, the entire Senate) think that I'll be convinced that they aren't being heavily influenced by lobbyists, just because they passed a bill that consists of:

"The first major restrictions on lobbying in more than a decade, banning lobbyists from giving gifts and meals to lawmakers."

To be honest I'd rather have a senator say, "I'm corrupt, I accept bribes, thats right, and theres nothing you can do about it you fucking kike," than have him try to pull this second grade bullshit on me. If a senator wants to do somthing sybolic to show me he isn't trying to fuck the American people over, then he can cut his dick off. Otherwise, he could take action on an issue, you know, pre-scandal. But, as far as this bill being bullshit I think my political cartoon illustrates the point.

Paris Hilton: To Hit, Or Not To Hit

2006-03-30T21:00:00.000-05:00

That is the question. It seems like a question with an obvious answer, but is it? According to The Superficial, which is a pretty damn funny gossip site, Paris has herpes (probably), the big herp in medical terms. I know probably isn't a very precise term so, through careful calculations I decided there's a %91 chance. This brings about an interesting dilema that many have faced. To be honest, I don't even think Paris Hilton is that amazing, but I'm not going to front like shes not, at least, pretty sexy. She seems pretty whack, though, as far as personality is concerned (who cares though), and her contribution to slang, "thats hot," just throws ebonics back to the early 90's (when used the way she uses it). On the other hand, she is Paris Hilton; thats pretty much the only pro I can think of. Now, using a condom would be definite, but even so, is the reward worth the risk? I'm going to go ahead and say no, but if I actaully had the oppertunity it would be a tough call, honestly, I'd probably do it. Now, everyone reading will probably end up in one situation or another where they have an oppertunity to hit Paris Hilton off; I urge you, be smart, stay cool, and remember what you read in this post.
PSA: Indie kids have decided its not very indie to think Paris Hilton is sexy. If you ask them, "how don't you think Paris is sexy?" they'll just say, "I dont know, I'm just not attracted to her okay." Now, in their continuing, and at times misguided, effort to be different, they tend to do some ridiculous shit. Everyone know's they're just trying to be sophisticated when they say they don't find her attractive. You see, in the indie world not liking Paris Hilton is like having a 6-pack in the normal world, its a plus. And, as attractive as they may make doing things like, not liking Paris Hilton, this is a crowd you don't want to fall in with. Before you know it you'll be spinning in a downward cycle of irony, individuality, and goofy clothes.

Black People Really Don't Like Friends

2006-03-30T20:09:00.000-05:00

I guess when I first heard black people didn't like Freinds in Undercover Brother, I may have thought they ran out of stereotypes and started making shit up. But now, I'm not so sure. In my school, which is mostly black, and more specifically in my sociology class the TV classic Friends comes up in conversation more than you'd think. My sociology teacher, Ms. Simmons, will usually get us going with a statement like,"and white people watch friends but, black people watch the Fresh Prince." The first time Ms. Simmons brought this up everyone asked me, "why do white peope like Friends?" I didn't know, I don't like Friends, I actually prefer Fresh Prince. So, I just made somthing up about how White People like cheesy shit, and are a cheesy race for the most part. This seemed to appease everyone, but they went on to discuss what they hated most about Friends. Forgive me if I paraphrase a little but here are what seemed to be the main reasons:

"The dudes act like faggots"
"They got all them skinny ass bitches"
"That tall blonde bitch is annoying"
"I'd sock that nigga Ross, he a dickhead forreal"

The discussion that day was provided more insight than any other discussion in any other Sociology class I'm likely to take.

Global Warming is Probably Going To Suck

2006-03-30T13:55:00.000-05:00

^Or so say the experts du jour. But, I am inclined to take this threat more seriously than say, immigration, diabetes, or Africanized killer bees. I know it always seems like theres someone promising that we'll die in the next couple of weeks but I lend more credibility to global warming than most threats for several reasons. First, though there are often "experts" on TV warning us they're usually fake ass experts like sociologists or "parenting experts." Climatologists, especially prestigeous ones aren't usually on Fox News all like that. Second, evidence shows that glaciers are melting at an alarming rate, even my beach has gotten mad smaller in the last decade or so. Third, an accepted fact of life is that history repeats itself, and we already had an ice age, some shit like that could happen again. Lastly, global warming doesn't have the immediate catastrophic body count that is characteristic of fake emergencies. Also, it just seems logical that if your're as abusive to an ecosystem as we are problems will arise. I just thought of this one too, no one with dough really stands to gain financially from global warming as oppsed to some bio-threat that can only be prevented by the purchase of duct tape, in fact alot of people stand to lose money, this might be serious.

Here is a link to a good article in Time about global warming

Also, I'm about to start a campaign to get Bob O'connor to sign the US Mayors Climate Protection Agreement that is signed city by city because Bush wouldn't sign a similar agreement that would apply to the entire Nation, appartently these types of agreements aren't too good for business.

Related: Peep my Global Warming Political Cartoon

The War on Christianity is Real?

2006-03-30T12:21:00.000-05:00

(Click To Enlarge)
I read a letter to the editor in USA today this morning, by this Richard Scarborough character who runs a Christian site called visionamerica.com. His editorial attempted to prove that there is a "War on Christianity." Scarborough notes that:

Typical of judicial assaults, U.S. District Court Judge David Hamilton recently banned prayers in Jesus' name at opening sessions of the Indiana House of Representatives, claiming they amounted to "an official endorsement of the Christian religion." As if this were a catastrophe.

He also talks about how some guy called conservative christians "moral retards," which I thought was a pretty clever, and Scarborough thought was indisputable proof of a war against Christianity. It was kindof too ridiculous to respond to in writing (plus that would imply that I took him seriously), so I made this ill cartoon. Besides writing letters to the editor, Scarborough is here to tell you that,"the war against chritianity is raging like an Alabama Church fire," and that,"90% of evangelical Christians believe their faith is under attack," in case you weren't sure where you stood before.

Movie Review: V for Vendetta

2006-03-29T15:09:00.000-05:00

I saw V for Vendetta last weekend and to tell the truth I wasn't all that impressed. The movie started off strong and went downhill until the last, maybe, five minutes. Pace was obviously one thing the Wachouski (or whatever) Brothers didn't consider when they wrote this script. And, the result was a movie that was hard to get through. Toward the end I was pretty damn bored with V and Evey (Natalie Portman), who are pretty much the only dynamic characters in the movie. I don't think Evey should have shaved her hair either, Natalie Portman was looking too sexy in this movie, and shaving her head didn't do much for the plot. I did, however, at some point during the movie find out that Natalie Portman is Jewish; that was a plus, I don't know why I never realized that. Also, the way there were other characters with mostly non speaking roles who would just watch the government run news channel,I guess to show the effect V's acts of terrorism (or heroism) on the people, and the transition from these people to the main plotline was real cheap feeling and interrupted the flow of the movie. People will probably overlook most of this movie's flaws because they like the political message and because it had a cool ending but, personally, I wasn't fooled.

My Political Cartoons

2006-03-29T12:22:00.000-05:00

(Hint: the cube, is an ice cube!)
Now I realize my drawing skills interfere with the effectiveness and quality of my cartoons but I'm practicing, so just be patient. I used to get this girl to draw as I dictated, sort of like a composite sketch, and those came out pretty well, I may holler at her and see if she's trying to, knaaamean, draw me some cartoons. But, until that happens I'm gonna have to leave hints and/or clues which is real amateur style.

Tell the Truth, Who's Nicer Than Me?

2006-03-28T20:46:00.000-05:00

(Ckick to enlarge)
Uhh, did I mention I'm an amateur political cartoonist. This is something I thought of a while ago but just got around to drawing. My drawing skills are a'ight but my material is pure genius; where's Molly Murrill when you need her. In drew this then took the pic with my digital camera so, in case you can't read the caption it says,"if Muhammed told you to jump out of a window would you do it?"

Don't Judge a Volunteer by it's Cover

2006-03-28T11:53:00.000-05:00

I hate describing myself as a person with a big heart, mostly because it makes me sound like a pussy but, also because it doesn't really make sense. For lack of a better phrase though, I'll let it slide. Anyway, I've done my fair share of volunteering and found that volunteers are some of the most judgemental people ever, except me but my judging game is off the chain (if you're going to judge people you might as well do it big). They are very shallow and make their opinions about fellow volunteers within seconds based on clothes and shoes, much like 7th grade bitches. Except here, style doesn't count; in fact, the uglier you clothes and the dirtier you are the better, they assume, you'll perform in volunteerly work. I was guilty of this practice myself until one day, I was going to be packing fair trade coffee. As my partner in volunteerly activities approached I noticed that she was asain (aka efficient) had a shaved head (aka determined and tough) and was sporting a mountain backpack (aka she came prepared for some hardcore volunteering). I remember immediately thinking,"Wow this bitch can probably volunteer like a muh'fucka." Well, I was in for a suprise. She only lasted about an hour packing coffee, which isn't even hard, and while she did pack she was clumsy and slowed everyone else down. I learned a valuable lesson that day, if a volunteer shows up with a huge backpack, they're probably compensating for something.

Ey, can I get that?

2006-03-27T11:20:00.000-05:00

As some of you know, I'm going to be attending Temple University next year. Coincidentally the Real World: Key west cast member Svetlana is a pre-med student there. Do I need to point out that shawty is Right? And, lets get real, you know I'm gonna be on that so, right now I'm scheming a little bit. I know its not standard practice (fuck standard practice anyway, the shit is just whack) to room Freshmen males with Junior females but I think they're going to make an exception in my case. Now, it may just so happen that these exceptions will involve greasing the palms of a few housing officials but the ends certainly justifies the means. Needless to say, bribe money doesn't grow on trees; so, I guess I'm just going to make it clear that I'll appreciate any contributions. If you can only spare one hundred dollars, okay I'll take it but remember, oppertunites like this may only come once. Thanks!

Ethan O is a Manly Man

2006-03-26T22:13:00.000-05:00

I've witnessed the effects of the male stereotype on many a young man. The most tragic and helpless "frat-boy" I know is Ethan O. This motherfucker fits the stereotype to a tee, and not without much hardwork and dedication. His favorite food is steak, he buys shoes 1.5 to 2 sizes too big so he can say he wears size 12, he is very secure and always notes that he uses the urinals as opposed to going in a stall to urinate at public bathrooms. So, for our entertainment and curiosity I'm going to interview Ethan, under a false pretense of course, and I'll post it in the next couple days or weeks.

Male Stereotype

2006-03-26T21:53:00.000-05:00

I'm interested in mostly all stereotypes, but the one that continually vexes me is the white frat boy stereotype. It's most rampantly portrayed on television and in movies, and in my opinion, it is also the most specific. Some sterotypes leave room for personal input, but you can live out every aspect of you're life strictly adhering to the frat boy code. Needless to say, its a ticking time bomb. Don't follow? The frat-boy stereotype has made incest, excess, and stupidity accepted cultural phenomenons. As far as I know a threesome with twins, even if they are really really good looking, is incest; by participating or wanting to participate in this threesome you are facilitating (or wanting to facilitate) incest. The inclusion of excess as part of the male stereotype is much more obvious. Big Trucks. Big pizzas with thick crusts. Big breasts. Bigger is better in all cases. Stupidity. Stiffler (American Pie Reference) is that dude in American Pie. Being shallow was never as attractive as it was when Stiffler uses his mind numbing stupidity to seduce model chick after model chick (keep in mind this is not by any stretch the first or only account of stupidity being popularized, just the first that came to mind). As a result I see people acting stupid all the time.

Fuck the NCAA Tournament

2006-03-26T13:57:00.000-05:00

Fuck that shit, seriously. A friend walked into my TV room yesterday where I was watching "Along Came a Spider," which is a good ass movie, "you're not watching the game," he said, or, more accurately, accused. He accused me of not watching the game with such conviction, I really felt guilty for a second. I wasn't watching the game was I? I didn't have a penis did I? No and No, I had failed to live up to the lofty expectations set by a dominos commercial. The male stereotype was hard at work, making sure every man acted like a man. I apparently wasn't acting like a man, I was watching "Along Came a Spider" like a little bitch. It's cool, you see, to watch sports if you're a guy; my friend, because he pointed out that we weren't watching sports he was extra cool. The two freinds (of both of ours) nodded their heads in agreement. "Don't play that shit with me," I countered. I recognized the lack of confidence in their nods, I knew that if pressed neither would be able to name either team in "the game,"I know neither of you give a shit about the tournament," neither disagreed. We proceeded to watch Along Came a Spider. Oh, and LSU won.

Who Let the Dogs Out

2006-03-26T11:38:00.000-05:00

My friend asked me to send the "Roll Wit' it", by Three 6 Mafia ringtone to his cell phone. A reasonable request. We do favors for eachother alot, and a good friendship is all about a good balance of favor doing. But, instead of sending him the "Roll Wit' it" ringtone I sent the ringtone of the 2000 instant classic "Who Let the Dogs Out." Needless to say he was pretty pissed and nearly rocked my jaw. Corageous, I know, but my disregarding consequences game is somthing that you want no parts of.