Monday, April 10, 2006

Yo Momma Sucks

No, I'm not about to start ripping on anyone... besides Wilmer Valderrama, but that’s only because his show sucks.
Apparently, sometime shortly after doing absolutely nothing while his prized Escalade was vandalized by a complete stranger (on Punk'd), Wilmer developed a new and improved Spanish accent and became a thug. And, he has a show called "Yo Momma" to prove it. Through this show, Wilmer would have you believe that "trash talking" is a subculture in the barrio where "battles" are held by the local hoop court or ice cream shop. This is not reality, there's no "trash talking" hierarchy like the show suggests, and the art of "trash talking" lies in mockingly describing the opponents appearance, not telling memorized "your mom" jokes. The phrase "trash talking," was, itself, never actually used, today the practice is known as "giving someone bars." Aside from the fraudulent premise of the show, it just licks balls. I cracked a smile once or twice during the half hour program but, I was just thinking about something funny that happened a few days ago. The worst part about the show, though, is the attempt at cultivating an image. When the final "battle" ends, and the winner is decided, Wilmer casually pulls $1000 dollars from his pocket (in twenties, folded in half with a rubber band) and throws it to the winner, then he pulls a PSP out of another pocket, and something else out of another pocket. When it's a game show directed at a white audience the prizes are prominently displayed, in MTV's Latin gangster world where Wilmer Valderrama is a thug the prizes are casually thrown around as if to suggest, "its nothing..." I suppose anything goes in this world.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

People Who Take Everything Literally= My Anti-Drug

Back in the day when MTV used to run ads about "finding your anti-drug" I used to wonder, "what is My anti-drug?" I've cared about finding an anti-drug at some points in my life more than others, but, for the most part I don't really stress about it. The world of blogging, though, has enlightened me somewhat, and I've found my anti-drug. People who take everything literally are my anti-drug. I like these people. They brighten my day and make me feel better about myself. I just sit back, relax and think, wow I'm real real glad I'm so much better than those people. I've never tried cocaine, but, whenever I come upon people like this I wonder if I'm experiencing a similar high. People who point out spelling mistakes have a similar effect on me. And some wonder why I think so highly of myself...

Saturday, April 08, 2006

I Do Not Post on Weekends

Check back Monday-Friday

Thursday, April 06, 2006

A Man is Only as Good as His Deoderant

Deodorant ads are always on television now. Most brands tend to market to the frat boy stereotype, namely Axe and TAG. These brands, through subliminal messages and triple reverse psychology, would have you believe that you'll start getting mad pussy once you apply their product. This is, of course, the exact opposite of reality. Axe reeks of over-eagerness. TAG stinks of desperation. That is why I'm an Old Spice man. If Axe and TAG are the kids at the party making fools of themselves, Old Spice is the dude just chillin' and taking everything in. To be more specific, I'm a Red Zone (Pure Sport) stick with High Endurance Body Spray (Fresh) kind of guy. Old Spice has worked out well for me, I nearly always manage to be fresher than the next guy; I can't complain about my experiences with Old Spice.

Bush, Irony, and Leaks

In what may be enough irony to give a hipster an orgasm, Bush defended a dissenter's right to speak today in Charlotte. While taking questions from the audience:
One questioner even suggested the president should have "the honesty and grace to be ashamed" of himself.
When the audience started booing the critic:
"I'm not your favorite guy -- go ahead," Bush interrupted.
This comes on the day that Libby accused Bush of, "authorizing a leak," which according to Brit Hume isn't possible, "because its not a 'leak' if Bush authorized it." Even if Hume's defense is accurate, its reminiscent of a catch 22 for the American people, "if you get screwed over, and Bush is responsible, you're not actually getting screwed over, because Bush can't screw people over." Oh, the irony.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Bill O'Reilly, the Cop-Out Crusader

Crusading is quickly replacing baseball as the national pastime. People like to associate themselves with a cause, take a stand, and fight. Some people choose more meaningful causes than others; some choose more popular causes than others. Bill O'Reilly found his cause, and gaining support, he found, was even easier than scoring with his subordinates. He chose to seek harsher punishment for pedophiles, the people who want to touch your children. Are there causes that impact more Americans? Certainly, there are countless issues more pressing than O'Reilly's. But, there are few, if any, issues that our society has reached more of a consensus on. Its common knowledge that people act like complete idiots when it comes to their children and, Bill O'Reilly is taking full advantage of this fact, like its a co-worker. So, instead of solving this problem effectively, he's taking superficial measures, like getting judges fired. Congratulations Bill, you're officially a cop-out crusader.

France is Screwed

I read an article in the New York Times today and it's clear the French students don't play games:
A dozen student and union groups met today — a day after demonstrations brought at least a million people into the streets — and announced that if the government fails to act by their deadline, the day after Easter, they will call for a new "day of action."
Talk about getting too big for your britches; the law passed that sparked this madness is pretty questionable though:
The new law, which would allow employers to fire, without cause, people under age 26 during a trial period, was intended to encourage companies to hire young workers.
Though I might want to do some the of stuff these students are doing, like setting up roadblocks and rioting, I don't think I would. I'm not going to say any names, but certain ethnic groups that make up a large part of the French population tend to get a little over-excited during times of political upheaval.

Getting a Bum Rap

This is a pretty funny video, I think its old though. Apparently Bill O'Reilly's intimidation tactics aren't nearly as successful when employed on rappers Cam'ron and Dame Dash as they are when children, mothers, and pussies are the target. They give Bill O'Reilly a lot of shit and you can see he's uncomfortable and scared, at one point Cam'ron states, "I got dirt on you doggie, I'mma get at you in a minute." Dame Dash has some legitimately good points, but expectedly most of it is just bullshit. This brings me to my post.
Rappers get a disproportionate number of fingers pointed at them because they are easy targets. For the average white American, sitting on their couch blaming urban crime on that black guy in jewelry with a $250,000 dollar car is easy, and satisfying on some levels too. But, are they really to blame? The one thing Cam'ron says that I agree with is that he is a product of his environment, well he is. He makes his living by describing what he sees; wouldn't it be more logical to change what he, and kids like him, see than to ask him to "be positive," when being positive means to lose his appeal in most cases; "Positive" rappers seem cheesy and out of touch with what really going on.
To be sure, I wouldn't try to justify what a rapper says as good for the community by any means. Though it’s hard to prove, rap could likely have a negative affect. But, I don't see people asking actresses to gain weight, to combat eating disorders. Similarly, I think it is unfair to expect anyone to risk losing money by doing something for a greater good. We do, after all, live in a capitalist society. We don't expect companies that are ruining the environment to do things for the greater good, do we? We don't force politicians to put the people before their campaign fund, do we? We don’t hold doctors accountable, who execute the expensive treatment over the effective one, do we? I didn't think so, so why do we expect so much from rappers?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


I suppose these days we're too busy with issues like immigration, war, and gays to ponder life's small everyday wonders. One pet theory I have, and that I think is appropriate to share with you in honor of Martin Luther King Jr.'s day of passing, is the Black Version Theory. I'm not exactly sure if population statistics would support this but, I believe every white person has a black version of themselves, and vice versa. It occurred to me to write about this today when I was walking the halls of my school and I came upon the black version of Sam Shreeve, an acquaintance of mine. I knew then and there that today would be the correct time to share my theory with the world. I thought of requesting a picture of the black Sam Shreeve but I concluded it would be weird enough and, possibly grounds for getting socked in the jaw. For those of you who may still be confused about what the black version is, a black or white version of someone has a strikingly similar frontal profile, but darker skin. Max Freedman (pictured above) is who I determined to be the white version of former Pitt Panther basketball star Julius Page (below white guy). Similar facial features may be the only thing the two have in common, but that happens to be all that’s needed to be a black version of someone.
I think the theory takes significant steps toward ending racism. Just think about it, somewhere walking around, there is a black (or white) version of you.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Black-Oriented TV Has More Fast-Food Ads

This title was taken from an article in Pittsburgh's local paper the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. The article describes a study that reached the startling conclusion that fast food advertisers target black people. But, the article in some ways makes it seem as though it's part of some conspiracy to keep black people unhealthy. I don't think that fried chicken was designed as a biological weapon to spread health problems throughout black population, though it has become one, apparently. But, as much as I have to say about the article I take issue with this statemennt in particular:
Still, Jordan said the ads study doesn't prove that a disproportionate number of commercials for unhealthy foods causes black kids to become overweight, and said more research is needed "to more convincingly directly tie exposure to effects."
Advertisers aren't trying to get black people "hooked" on fast food, they are trying to get people to come to their restaurants. Apparently, the black population spends alot of money on fast food making it effective to target them. Plus, Jordan would have you believe that if fast food was advertised less, Whole Foods and GNCs would start popping up all over the hood. What he needs to realize is this isn't a race issue, its a socioeconomic one, and people with less money apparently buy cheaper food, so don't take it personally.

Oh No They Didn't

When I read the headline and first paragraph of the New York Times article about Iran's sweet new missle:
Iran said Sunday that it had test-fired what it described as a sonar-evading underwater missile just two days after it announced that it had fired a new missile that could carry multiple warheads and evade radar systems.
the public school student in me was like, "oh no they just didn't." I kept reading:
The new missile is among the world's fastest and can outpace an enemy warship, Gen. Ali Fadavi of the country's elite Revolutionary Guards told state television.

General Fadavi said only one other country, Russia, had a missile that moved underwater as fast as the Iranian one, which he said had a speed of about 225 miles per hour. State television showed what it described as the missile being fired.
After reading this part I was thinking, "does Iran celebrate April fools day too? That Shah is a cut up." But I kept reading:
"The missile carries a very powerful warhead that enables it to operate against groups of warships and big submarines," he said.

He contended that the boats that would launch the missile were able to evade detection systems but that "even if an enemy's warship sonar can detect the missile, no warship can escape from this missile because of its high speed."
It turns out that this wasn't part of some elaborate April fools joke after all. What seems to be taking place is an attempt to fuck with Bush, by the Iranians. They also act like they're making a concession when they admit, "okay, you got us, we aren't that great, Russia has this technology too," but they know when we read it we'll be like, "fuck Russia has this too!"
From a saftey standpoint I'm not too worried. If Iran has this missile, we probably still have 100,000 left over from the Civil War that we decided not to use. But, what this does indicate is that if tension is this high on the surface, then we can only imagine how close to war we may be behind the scenes.